Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Final Point 7

Click here to access our edition.

In this edited edition, we have mostly just expanded. Although there are still a few blank spots, we include many of the pieces that were missing in the previous edition. We fixed a lot of the editing mistakes that were pointed out to us. We added some more and cleaned up the overall look of our annotations. We hope you enjoy our new and improved edition :)


  1. Feedback for "Context" section:

    Context-- feedback:

    - add a date to Raphael Holinshed's Chronicles-- did it come before Shakespeare? Did he use it as a reference? Why is this factoid important?

    - "The first is the story..." the phrasing of this sounds weird. Try rewording it for clarity.

    - "Downwald's murder of Duff then follows the events that are to be echoed almost exactly..." you can say this more eloquently and clearly.

    - "all original to Holinshed's ______" (add the book source)

    - Banquo doesn't complicity scheme in Duncan's murder... this is biased. This would be better in a discussion question format because it's heavily opinionated

    - Same thing goes for Macduff being justified in his anger for Duncan

    - "Shakespeare's use of these three stories into Macbeth..." weird wording

  2. Power Discussion Questions:
    Maybe you should clarify your second question, “How do each of these use power?” by tweaking it to focus on more plot-oriented actions instead of inferences like your other questions focus on. For example, re-word it to say something like, “What do each of these characters say and do for the sake of acquiring power?” This will help students review what they have read specifically.

    Gender Discussion questions:
    I really like your build up before you list your questions. I really think it will get your students thinking about gender before they are presented with questions. Well done.

    Fate questions:
    Students will possibly need more scaffolding then is offered here. What different theories of fate? Are you students going know these theories? Perhaps add some clarification. For example, maybe say, “Which of the following theories of “fate” do you think…”

    Critical Essay Questions:

    1. Hartwig
    - I like your “why or why not”s, it adds depth to the questions
    - Question three, perhaps add a little more focus. Asking a question directed to the play as a whole and all its characters is very general and can be difficult to answer.

    2. Rosenburg
    - Revise the formatting of question 2
    - Question 3 is too vague. Specify the section of the questions: “your interpretation of the play and it’s characters a whole?” Perhaps, focus the question on a theme or on specific characters to give your students more guidance.

  3. Overall - You guys have done a really great job with this. Your annotated table of contents and reader's guide are both really well written. My comments below are editorial and deal mostly with formatting issues or missing information.
    Annotated Table of Contents - The language here needs to be cleaned up a bit to sound more professional. "Sort of introductory letter" makes the table of contents sound unsure of itself. Also change "the goal" to "our goal"; you need to own your work because you've done a good job and worked hard on it.
    General Introduction - By mentioning Caesarian sections in the introduction, the ending of the story is given away for readers who haven't read the play yet. Perhaps we could replace it with spectral daggers or something else. The second paragraph uses the word "intended" twice in one sentence. Either one can be cut without changing the meaning of the sentence. The third paragraph needs to clarify that you are looking at some themes of the play. There are other themes out there that you won't be addressing and we don't want the audience to think that we're covering all of them.
    Text of the Play -The witches need to have their titles capitalized for consistency. Right now the text all runs together and it's difficult for the eye to immediately tell who's speaking. It would be easier for the readers if we put a hard return after the end of each person's part. It would also make it easier for readers if we numbered the lines of text by fives or tens down the left hand side. There needs to be a footnote for this line, "For brave Macbeth (well he deserves that name)." Modern readers don't know what the word "Macbeth" means and will be confused if this line isn't explained. Having the stage directions off to the right hand side is difficult for readers who expect them to be on the left side with the rest of the text. What is "Saint Colme's inch?" This phrase needs a footnote. "Soris" also needs a footnote. According to the Chicago Manual of Style, the superscript for footnote 30 needs to go after the comma, and any other punctuation. All of the superscript in the text needs to conform to this rule.

  4. Hey guys,
    here are my comments on your edition :)
    First of all let me point out what i liked, because it's always nice to hear, right?
    I really liked the fun way you guys write to your readers, it's engaging and not boring, and it will help the reader stay with you a little longer.
    I also liked how you have broken down the different themes, put a quote for each of them, and an explanation along with it, with questions to boot. It makes for an easy reading, that's for sure.
    Now, on to the big bad wolf comments:
    my primary question is: who are you targeting exactly with your edition? You wrote that it's for the advanced high schooler or the college freshman, but in my opinion there is a big difference between the two. It is true that freshmen are basically just out of high school, but unfortunately the high school experience is very different from the college one, so if this edition is intended for college freshmen, some things should be done differently; although it's fun and easy to read, i don't think it's challenging enough for college students. If you want to target more of a younger audience than that, then i would suggest you to erase the part where you mention college freshmen, and make it clearer that this edition is for a young audience.
    The same goes for the questions on your themes section. The questions are perfect for a young audience, but if you are targeting advanced high school students, maybe there should be a bit more explaining on your themes (including an explanation on why you chose those themes, why they are important to be discussed, why are they better themes to talk about than others) and maybe take the questions away, so that the students brains will be more challenged that way.
    I also would work soon on writing the editor's note, and make sure you explain in it why your edition should be considered, and how it is different from other editions of the same play.
    I never really can say much on the editing part of the edition because, as a foreigner, i don't feel i can help much on it, especially since my grammar and phrasing is still bad, so i won't comment on it, other than saying that it seems fine to me, and easy enough to read. Same goes for grammar mistakes on your introduction, i'm not the best person to point those out, but even I, with my limited English knowledge, noticed some mistakes here and there, so be sure to proofread.
    That's mostly what i think, so the big bad wolf is done talking now. Great job guys!

  5. Regarding the actual text, you've done a good job to make it reader friendly/accessible. It looks nice and clean. It might help to have line numbers to make it even more accessible. (I had to include pg. numbers with directions instead of line numbers for you to correct errors.)

    You might also want to include stage directions for the beginning of Act I, Scene I. You might also want to check consistency with capitalization. I'm not sure if you want murder to be capitalized in the middle of the sentence, but it seems inconsistent with what you've done with the rest of the text (pg. 16). Check also, "From" (bottom of pg. 18). You need a line break in between Macbeth's lines and those that proceed his (top of pg. 18)
    Just a couple of footnotes that could maybe be added:
    Inverness (bottom of page 18)
    Overall, good job. :) Best of luck with your final edition. Also, I think you have to have a full act for the final project, so you'll need to include scenes 5-7, but you probably already knew that.

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  7. Feedback for “Introduction” section:

    I think your introduction is very accessible and not your typical boring introduction that all students normally skip, which is good. However, since your audience is an advanced high school reader or college freshman, I think the language could be more polished and professional and still retain its accessibility. Here are my suggestions:

    -Do not have contractions. Change all your “it’s,” “we’re,” “we’ve,” etc. to full separate words.

    -I would not begin your intro by saying the play is “easy to understand.” That puts pressure on your audience, plus you contradict yourself in the next paragraph by saying “As dense as the text can sometimes be…”

    -I would not mention the “caesarian section.” That is kind of a spoiler.

    -Do not say “we’ve done our best.” That sounds like you are undermining yourself. Instead, say what you have actually done or what the text actually is.

    -Again, you say in the first paragraph that the play is easy to understand but then say you have made the play easier for the audience to understand. Contradictory.

    -The sentence, “In the end, it’s our intent that you’ll have a much better understanding of Macbeth than you did when you started” confuses me. Are you assuming that they have already read the play before they read your edition?

    -I feel like you keep saying over and over that you are giving your audience a dumbed down edition, but if they are advanced high school students or college freshman, I do not know if that is the right thing to say. They are likely very capable students.

    - I would refrain from saying “we want” so much. If your edition delivers, it is not necessary to explain yourselves.

  8. Feed back for Themes

    -"has begun to get to him and wrecks"
    This is kind of awkward phrasing and a bit unprofessional sounding. I don't know if I like the word wreck in this kind of context.
    -"Shakespeare...even evil"
    This is a pretty long sentence and is hard to follow because of it. Maybe try breaking it into two sentences?
    -"eternally insecure"
    I don't know if eternally really the word you want to use, it seems a bit dramatic. Maybe you could try "perpetually?"

    -"and how...is particularly interesting"
    Maybe you could try to flip the phrasing around and say, "and what is particularly interesting is…", just to improve clarity and flow?
    I think you mean imbued? Imbibed means to have drunk if I'm not mistaken.
    The way the ending is worded is a bit had to follow, and I don't see the line of thinking. Because of this, I don't see what's so important about Malcom from your text.
    -Whose strength is "but that strength" referring to?

    -"One of the major questions…"
    A bit along what I was saying before… Maybe try, "one of the major questions in Macbeth is whether prophecies just…" This makes it sound more professional.
    -"pushing fate through their actions"
    I think I would try to find another way to say this. This isn't a very common way to say this, so I had to think longer than I should have to puzzle out the meaning.
    -"Murder, deception, bloodshed"
    Put an "and" before bloodshed?
    -"The character of Banquo"
    Try, "Banquo's character" instead.
    -"he comments that, 'oftentimes, to win…'"
    Cut the comma after "that" and before "'oftentimes.'"
    -"wreck havoc"
    It's actually "wreak havoc."